Revolution

I became a Christian when I was 21. I didn't grow up in a Christian home and when my parents became Christ followers it freaked me out. It was only after a series of what-could-have-been tragic events did I turn my life over to Jesus. I am not the same person that I was when I made that decision. Yes, that is partly because I have matured, but mostly it is because of my relationship with Jesus. He has radically changed me and yet there is something missing. 

I can't put my finger on it. I feel like my relationship with Jesus has been so stale for the last several years. I don't really admit that to many people because I can't explain it and I don't want to hear that I am not spending enough time in prayer/in the Word/etc. Cause I don't think that's it. It's all too fluffy. Does that make sense? I have heard "rumors" of a radical, revolutionary Jesus who turned the world upside down and continues to do that today. Where is that Jesus and why haven't I met Him? I feel like the version of Christianity that I subscribe to is too safe, too predictable. I think that this is something that I have been mulling over for a long time now. I want more. I want more from my relationship with Jesus. I want Him.

I don't mean that I want more stuff. I have enough. No. I want something more substantial, more satisfying. And I don't think I'm alone in this. In conversations that I have had with other believers I have come to realize that in some way they are in the same place that I am. We want more of Jesus....His love, His joy, His peace, but also His revolution, His subversiveness, His directness, His challenge. We want Him. 

There is a yearning within me that refuses to be quiet. It started slow and small. It was just a small ache and it has now become a large hole. And I think that's one reason I am so excited about going to Italy because every time I have been pulled out of what I consider my comfort zone Jesus has radically transformed me and met me. I have some of the sweetest times with my Savior when I am all alone and left by myself without any familiarity. 

I was at my sister's church, Rock Harbor, in Costa Mesa this weekend and was pierced through by the Holy Spirit with a challenge to surrender to Christ. To let the One who began a revolution on this planet 2,000 years ago continue it in my life. Returning home, I picked up the lead pastor's, Mike Erre, book The Jesus of Suburbia. It's a book that I've been meaning to read, but hadn't gotten around to. It speaks to so much of what's going on in my life now and what has been going on...the wanting, the yearning, and the ache for something More. 

"But for those of us who see the darkness in our souls and the wickedness in our hearts, who feel the desperation and pain of this broken world, biblical principles aren't enough. I don't need enhancement; I need a new heart and a new mind. I need Jesus to invade my life and take it over. I don't want principles of religion or piety; I want Him. I'm desperate, I'm empty, and I am not content simply to be my same old self "new and improved"; I want to be something else entirely. I want to lay hold of the movement of Jesus and be turned inside out and upside down. But what I want is costly. Jesus never promises safety and comfort. He promises life with Him and a renewed soul, heart, and mind." The Jesus of Suburbia, page. 23.

It's like water to my arid soul and heart. This perfectly describes where I am and what I want. Oh Lord Jesus. I want this, I want You. I want to live life and not merely watch it pass me by. I want to be a revolutionary for Your Kingdom. I have counted the cost of following You, but have realized that it's the cost of sitting on the sidelines has become too high and so, I want to follow You, the real You.