Ciao....ok, not quite

So, I chickened out. I did. I didn't mean to, but I did. Sigh....

 I had an out today when 'he' asked me to dinner for tomorrow night. I couldn't go and I told him. Then, about 10 minutes later I received a text that essentially said: "Ah, I understand. You don't want to see me any more." Yes! I should have responded with..."Well, yes. I am headed home next week and I just don't think we have anything in common." What did I do instead? I wrote back: "I'm sorry, but it's just bad timing...my friends are here from the States, I'm leaving for home next week, and I'm busier than I thought I'd be." Granted, this is all true....it's jut not the whole truth. I thought that that would be it. Nope.

"Are you coming back?"

"Yes, in September."

"I'll see you in September maybe."

No! No maybe...but I left that door open because I was too afraid to close it...I didn't want to hurt him. UGH! Isn't it going to hurt more by letting him think that there's a future here? I should think so. I've been told so.

Here's what I'm thinking, though...I leave. I come back in September and by that time he will have forgotten all about me. It's possible, but still. I needed to step up and do what was right.

Sometimes that thing that you ask for and pray for for so long turns out to be the opposite of what you want or like. I've asked Jesus for so long for this opportunity and I get it (granted, not with "the" guy, but still) and it stinks. It's unnerving. It shows you how vulnerable we are as people. In all truth I admire him and respect him for putting himself out there...for having the courage to approach a complete stranger and start a conversation. Shouldn't I then reciprocate that vulnerability by letting him know that it's not happening? Sheesh....

On top of all this, I need to go back now and rewrite parts of a book I'm writing on singlehood plus add a whole new chapter. Always learning. Always going forward. Life. That's what this is. A great big life lesson....ok. What are you trying to teach me Lord? :)