I got home from a night out with some girlfriends and, while it was later than I would have liked, I had decided that it had to be then. So, as I walked in from the garage I repeated my mantra: "You can do this. You are not responsible for her. She's an adult. You're not doing her any favors by letting her stay." So, I prayed one last time for Jesus to give me the words and walked in to the living room. She sort of set the conversation up with a question and I just let it all out.
It certainly didn't go as I'd rehearsed, mostly because I wanted the words out so I rushed them. For those of you who know me and know that I talk fast anyways, well...it was like I was on speed and the words rushed out of my mouth like they were on fire.
Once the words were out there...there was no taking them back. They just hung there like this big, black cloud. Her face went smooth and I could tell that she had shut down. She calmly responded to my words and then as fast as she could, without seeming like she was doing it as fast as she could, she turned, flipped the TV off, shut off the lights, grabbed the dog, and retreated to her bedroom...leaving me alone in the living room feeling like an evil b......I know. It's for the best. And yet, I can't help feeling intensely guilty and wrong. She has no one. And I mean no one. Did I not only just 'kick' her out, but also take away the only support that she has?
I pray that I did the right thing and not something from emotion or frustration. Did I, Lord? Was this Your Will or merely my design?
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