I took my leadership team to dinner tonight. I try to get together with them as a group for some fun once a month and we haven't done this in awhile. We went to Fuddruckers and were talking about some things that were going on in the office when our names were called to signal our waiting food. So, we got up from the table and went to claim our meals. I told my student who knows that I am moving to Italy that I was so close to telling them about my plans for next year and she told me I should. So, with hands shaking and butterflies the size of dragons in my stomach I sat back down at the table. I said "Let's finish our conversation and then I have some news..." They must have known that it wasn't going to be good because of the looks on their faces. So, I put it out there: This is my last year at Canyon. I am moving to Italy in August.
It hurts to remember their faces. One started crying, another looked away to avoid my eyes, the one who knew looked down so that they wouldn't see that she knew, and the last one shut down. The questions came out in a flood and I tried to answer as many as I could, but what hurt was when many of them said that they didn't want to be in leadership next year if I wasn't there. While I admit that I was selfishly glad that this was the case, I knew and know that this is not what's best for them. It shouldn't matter who leads them if God has called them to be leaders themselves. I can't begin to imagine someone taking my place, once again...selfish, but I know that my girls (as I affectionately call them) need to be in leadership. They have so much to offer our school and the students. It would be wrong to withhold that. And I do honestly hate that I won't be there to get to watch what the Lord has for them in the coming two years. I hate that I won't get to be around to hear them burst through the front lobby door and make their way to my office. I hate that I won't get to hear "Kristen Snyder! Kristen Snyder!" on a daily basis. I hate that I won't be there for them when they're hurting or for when they celebrate. But I also know that the Lord has plans for my life outside of Canyon and so that must mean that He has plans for their time there. Right?
I have always said that I just want to make a difference in the lives of students, to make an impact. I know that I have because I see it in them. What's astonishing as well, though, is to see the impact that they and all those who have come before them have made on my life. I have been irreversibly changed for having been allowed to flit into their lives for a blip in light of eternity. The journey has been short, but man! it has been sweet....
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