It's been a Sarah day. Hell, it's been a Sarah kind of year. Oh yeah. I feel like as of late I've been riding on this emotional roller coaster. And I want off. I don't like the constant ups and downs, the kind that flip you upside down and turn ya around. I feel like I keep passing some teenage kid who's in charge of stopping the ride, yelling for him to let me off, but he's too busy flirting with some girl in line to notice. At what point does the ride stop? Ok, maybe asking for the ride to stop is too much. How bout just slow down? Let me catch my breath and then speed back up instead of taking off around another corner and down a gigantic hill just after coming down one? Cause I'm getting dizzy and a little bit nauseous.
Work feels like that part of the roller coaster where you're flying around in circles, loop after loop. You're spiraling to the top only to never reach it...just going around and around and around. You think that you see an end or at least a respite from the breakneck speed, but it never comes. Rather, you're taking off around a smaller loop and it's worse than the ones before. I am so tired of it. I am so tired of the maintenance worker of that particular ride and the excuses that pour out from him as to why the ride isn't working. Take responsibility for your inability to fix the ride and the reason it's not working in the first place and get on with it. Stop blaming those of us who have either enjoyed the ride up until now or the person who serviced it before you. Seriously. Cut it out and let me off.
And then there's the scenery. It's the same thing that keeps flying past me. From where I'm sitting it's like I see the same images go past me every turn. I am alone on the ride as a single rider, but every where I look there are pairs. And I'm tired of having ride operators look at me funny for requesting a single seat or for feeling like crap because I am a single rider. How is it that I now find myself alone in line and the person who I didn't think would pair up any time soon, and definitely not before me, has found his permanent riding partner? That's not to say that I'm not happy for him or that I wanted to ride with him...I just didn't expect to be the last to be solo. And it's no fun riding solo when everyone else has a partner.
So, you see it's a Sarah day. It's a day where the wisdom that comes from her music helps to calm me down. To get me off the roller coaster and just be. I can find solace in her words, the hypnotic rhythm of the music.
"I love the time and in between the calm inside me in the space where I can breathe I believe there is a distance I have wandered to touch upon the years of reaching out and reaching in holding out holding in I believe this is heaven to no one else but me and I'll defend it as long as I can be left here to linger in silence if I choose to would you try to understand" --Elsewhere
No comments:
Post a Comment