About that time....

Like clockwork every New Year’s my mom gets introspective and decides to share with me some things that the Lord has been showing her. Usually, these are things related to my health and weight. And every year, like clock work, she emails me what she’s thinking and every year, like clock work, I end up in tears and angry over what she’s said.

It’s been a year since my last behavior and almost as long since I’ve even had an urge, but right now I just want to say screw it and numb out. To stop feeling what I am enduring right now. To slip below the surface and remain there for a bit. To just not think for a time and let the black space take me over. There is a war going on inside of my head right now as both sides of me argue their case.

Logically, I know what I need to do. I need to reach out to my support system and gain some perspective. I need to get out of emotional mind and head over to rational. I know this. And yet, that other part of me is taunting me and daring me to go thru with what it wants. Just give in and let go.

I know that if I do give in the stuff I’ll have to deal with on the other side will be worse, but let’s face it…I’ve always been an instant gratification kind of girl.

How is it that despite my 31 years my mom can still make me feel like I am 10 all over again?