Unexpected gifts

I was going to take over for Tom Brokaw when he retired. I was going to be the first female to anchor a national network news program (I had this planned long before Katie Couric ever did). Well, as the saying goes...we plan and God laughs. Rather than going into news I "fell" into higher education. I say that because it was never a career path or field that I thought of...it wasn't on my radar. And yet, after 7 years, I can tell you that this is exactly where I was meant to end up. I was created to live life with students...even when I didn't know what that meant or what that looked like.

I have dedicated my time, energy, emotions, gifts, and talents to pour into students. It is my job, no, it is my privilege to challenge them to be exactly who it is that God has called and created them to be. This means that when they make poor decisions... I call them out in love...when they celebrate...I celebrate...when they cry...I cry...and when they need someone to just be there...I am there. I haven't done this perfectly...I may not have always done it well, but I did it in the way that I knew best, with what God has given me. And, if I may be so bold and toot my own horn, I think that I have made an impact for His Kingdom and His glory in their lives. I have been given the extreme blessing and honor to see lives change. I know this to be true. I know that it is not for nothing.

And yet....I have had to hear that what I do is wrong. That I do it wrong. That next year when I am not here it will be right. What the hell does that mean? And what gives you the right to say what I've done is wrong? You don't have a clue as to what I do or even who I am. Just because you have been here for a couple of months and have seen glimpses does not mean you know me or see what I do. I have been to hell and back personally and have walked there with my students....so do not pretend that you know who I am and what I have accomplished. You can turn this place into whatever you want it to look like...but it will not be life giving because in order for something to be life giving it requires someone to pour into it.....and I don't see that happening.

But then I stop....because I remember the words that a dear friend shared with me. He (someone that I trust, admire, respect, and care for because of who he is and who God has created him to be) reminded me that despite the anger and bitterness I now feel...what I should also feel is gratitude towards this other person because if not for him, I wouldn't be reminded that I need Jesus every day. And it's true. Jesus is what keeps me going...when I think that I can't take any more crap...it's Jesus that pulls me through. He reminds me gently of the students that I have been entrusted with...that I am here for Him and them.

So, thank you. Thank you for making this place that I have loved for so long so miserable and difficult....because I am closer to Jesus for having been here. And that is a gift.