Everywhere

It seems to me that ever since going to treatment for my eating disorder my eyes have been opened to the bondage that so many are in with regards to food, dieting, compulsive exercising, etc. I mean I know before I went in that I was aware of it, but now it's almost like I am hyperaware and sometimes it becomes downright overwhelming.

It saddens me so much when I see friends or people that I know caught up in it all. It frustrates me when they and others seem to be obsessed when there's more to life. And it angers me that I get hooked by all of their junk. When they make comments or other stuff I feel my own shame welling up. It's as if by what they say about themselves or food/body image/dieting in general turns a spotlight on me and all of my stuff is exposed.

I know this isn't true. I have dealt with my stuff and they will have to deal with theirs, but I just wish that I didn't have to battle with something quite so widespread because it's hard to find some peace when it seems as if the whole world is forcing you to look at it all of the time.

I don't know if any of this makes sense. Bottom line: I'm tired of fighting an uphill battle when it seems as if everywhere I turn someone is throwing it back in my face.