Conflicting information

Anyone who has known me for any period of time knows that for most of my life I was able to turn my emotions off almost completely. I hid behind my eating disorder and used food to cope with what was going on in my life. Rarely did I feel anything. I was numb for too many years.

Then, after I went thru treatment and learned that feelings weren't bad things I began to slowly feel again. I experienced things like sadness and hurt and found that I could live thru them. It's been a hard process and I'm not always able to express or feel things, but I'm a work in progress.

Moving across the world has brought with it a real emotional awakening. I have cried more since my arrival then I have in probably my entire life. Truly. I have shared this with people back home who know me and know what I've been thru and they have told me that they think this may be God's way of opening up my heart more...of allowing me to feel and express emotion more. And to a certain extent, I agree. I do think that this is something He is doing in my life.

And then I am told by someone today that I am too emotional. That I need to not be so transparent with my emotions. I am here, as he put it, for students to look up to and take cues from. Huh. I don't quite know what to do with that. On the one hand I'm told that it's ok for me to have emotions and to express them, but on the other I feel like I'm being punished for that. I don't know how to reconcile the two.

Am I supposed to act as if everything is right with the world when it may not be? Is that how I am supposed to be a professional?

I'm just at a loss as to what I'm supposed to do with this information...