So little time...

So, returning to work hasn’t/wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Thank God! I was dreading the after-vacation-depression that usually sets in when I return to the office after any sort of absence. This time, strangely enough, nothing! Perhaps it’s because I know that the end is near….in fact…it’s only 6 months away! WOW. 6 months and I get to leave a place I’ve been trying to get away from for 6 years.

This leaves me with a lot of excitement and surprisingly, some apprehension. As I think of the end drawing closer and my leaving imminent, I am struck by feelings of homesickness. I know that once I am gone I will be homesick for the people here that I have grown to love.

I will miss the one person that I have journeyed the longest with here (well, one of them at least). I know that even if I didn’t leave this year he would be. So, that goodbye was inevitable. Still, I have thoroughly enjoyed working with him and count him among some of my closest friends and confidants. He knows me better than many of my other friends do. I will miss those that I watched transition from student leader to colleague. Watching them grow in the last year has been so exciting and rewarding. I am anxious to see how God continues to use them. I will deeply miss my students. They are the reason, outside of God’s will for me to be here of course, that I get up in the morning and come to this place. The imprint they have left on my life is indelible. There is one student in particular that I hate to leave. There is something intrinsic within her that actually reminds me of myself. We really are nothing alike and yet there is this one thing that I cannot put my finger on that reminds me of me. I try not to have favorites…it’s like a parent choosing one child over another...but without a doubt, she is my favorite. To think of my not being here for her last two years hurts my heart.

And yet, I am anxious to meet the person that I am going to be when all is said and done. I know that I will not be the same person that I am today in one, two, and three years. I have no doubt that the Lord is going to use this experience to radically alter who I am in Him, as a friend, sister, daughter, employee, and person. It reminds me of when I went skydiving.

I sat on the edge of the plane terrified to jump because of the unknown and yet knowing that once I did it would be exhilarating. I would be different for having jumped.

Who will I be? What will I look like? Will I recognize myself? Will I be recognizable to those I leave behind at home? In many ways…I hope not.