Home, temporary, home

Well, my last week in AZ was pretty good. Crazy busy, but good.

Thurs, 5/21: 6am. Left for LA for sister's graduation from Talbot School of Theology. Bacclaureate at Knotts Berry Farm.

Fri, 5/22: Met Linds and kiddos she sits for for breakfast, shopping with the parents, graduation ceremony, Claim Jumper for dessert.

Sat, 5/23: Hiked Back Bay and had picnic, party at the Blue Beet

Sun, 5/24: Church at Rock Harbor (love it!!!), lunch at CPK

Mon, 5/25: Hang out with the parents, sold car!!!!!!!!!

Tues, 5/26: Errands, coffee w/ Megan, errands, dinner at Bianchi's

Wed, 5/27: Breakfast w/ mom at Le Buzz, packing, errands w/ mom, dinner at Chilis w/ parents, packing, packing, packing

Thu, 5/28: 10:25 boarded plane for Pit. Landed at 6:50. In my apartment by 9. 

It was a whirlwind week, but good. There were tears...from myself and both of my parents, but overall, it was a sweet week with them. And so, here I am. Beaver Falls, PA. I'm in an apartment on campus, no TV, no internet yet...just me, my computer, some books. Let the adventure begin!!!

Revolution

I became a Christian when I was 21. I didn't grow up in a Christian home and when my parents became Christ followers it freaked me out. It was only after a series of what-could-have-been tragic events did I turn my life over to Jesus. I am not the same person that I was when I made that decision. Yes, that is partly because I have matured, but mostly it is because of my relationship with Jesus. He has radically changed me and yet there is something missing. 

I can't put my finger on it. I feel like my relationship with Jesus has been so stale for the last several years. I don't really admit that to many people because I can't explain it and I don't want to hear that I am not spending enough time in prayer/in the Word/etc. Cause I don't think that's it. It's all too fluffy. Does that make sense? I have heard "rumors" of a radical, revolutionary Jesus who turned the world upside down and continues to do that today. Where is that Jesus and why haven't I met Him? I feel like the version of Christianity that I subscribe to is too safe, too predictable. I think that this is something that I have been mulling over for a long time now. I want more. I want more from my relationship with Jesus. I want Him.

I don't mean that I want more stuff. I have enough. No. I want something more substantial, more satisfying. And I don't think I'm alone in this. In conversations that I have had with other believers I have come to realize that in some way they are in the same place that I am. We want more of Jesus....His love, His joy, His peace, but also His revolution, His subversiveness, His directness, His challenge. We want Him. 

There is a yearning within me that refuses to be quiet. It started slow and small. It was just a small ache and it has now become a large hole. And I think that's one reason I am so excited about going to Italy because every time I have been pulled out of what I consider my comfort zone Jesus has radically transformed me and met me. I have some of the sweetest times with my Savior when I am all alone and left by myself without any familiarity. 

I was at my sister's church, Rock Harbor, in Costa Mesa this weekend and was pierced through by the Holy Spirit with a challenge to surrender to Christ. To let the One who began a revolution on this planet 2,000 years ago continue it in my life. Returning home, I picked up the lead pastor's, Mike Erre, book The Jesus of Suburbia. It's a book that I've been meaning to read, but hadn't gotten around to. It speaks to so much of what's going on in my life now and what has been going on...the wanting, the yearning, and the ache for something More. 

"But for those of us who see the darkness in our souls and the wickedness in our hearts, who feel the desperation and pain of this broken world, biblical principles aren't enough. I don't need enhancement; I need a new heart and a new mind. I need Jesus to invade my life and take it over. I don't want principles of religion or piety; I want Him. I'm desperate, I'm empty, and I am not content simply to be my same old self "new and improved"; I want to be something else entirely. I want to lay hold of the movement of Jesus and be turned inside out and upside down. But what I want is costly. Jesus never promises safety and comfort. He promises life with Him and a renewed soul, heart, and mind." The Jesus of Suburbia, page. 23.

It's like water to my arid soul and heart. This perfectly describes where I am and what I want. Oh Lord Jesus. I want this, I want You. I want to live life and not merely watch it pass me by. I want to be a revolutionary for Your Kingdom. I have counted the cost of following You, but have realized that it's the cost of sitting on the sidelines has become too high and so, I want to follow You, the real You. 

Think before you post

AHHHHH. That's what I am feeling right now. I want to scream at the top of my lungs and just AHHHH.

I swear that there are fewer and fewer people in this world who not only have brains, but who actually use them. And fewer and fewer people who have a real sense of humor and know how to use it. 

I saw a couple of comments today on Facebook after an acquaintance's status mentioned something about wanting to lose 30 pounds now so that she could fit into a swimsuit. The comments that ensued were disgusting. One mentioned starving and taking laxatives while another encouraged her to try the laxatives "for fun" and yet another said that there wasn't anything wrong with being anorexic for a few days. Seriously??? I am so angry right now that I am shaking and tears are running down my face. I know that these women were just joking, or making what they thought was a joke,but it's not funny and it's not appropriate. There are millions of women and men who are struggling with eating disorders and millions more who die every year. Where is the humor in that? There isn't any. It's not funny and from one who has seen first hand in my life and in the lives of the women I met in treatment what this disease does and can do...it is far from funny. It is painful, cruel, and distasteful. Shame on you. 

Contact

I received an email today on Facebook from a student who is going to be in Rome this Fall. She just wanted to "chat" and get to know me better. How cool is that?! That alone excited me even more. I worried that the program being only a semester long would be too short because I wouldn't get to know the students very well or I would and then have to say goodbye. My opinion has changed now, though. No matter how much time I have or don't have with the students is exactly as much as the Lord wants me to have and so that means that I have to be intentional with every opportunity to pour into the lives of students and not to waste the opportunities I do have. I am eager to see what He has for them and for me as well. 

Last hoorahs

I went away with some friends this weekend for one "last hoorah" as we all go our own ways this summer. Most of them, ok all of them, will be back in Phx this fall, so really this was my last hoorah. I was hoping that I would be able to see everyone one last time this summer for a friend's wedding in CO, but it is looking more and more like that's not going to happen because of the cost of airfares from Pittsburgh to Denver. (It's so much cheaper from Phoenix!) So, more than likely this weekend was goodbye for quite a while and that's just so strange. I know that I have brought this up a lot, but I just can't get used to it...the finality of goodbye. Granted, I know that it's something of a temporary goodbye because it's not as if I won't see them again, but it will never be the same again. I do not plan on moving back to Phoenix after I get back, that is if I come back, and I am sure that at some point many of my friends will leave Phoenix. The thing is that this doesn't just apply to the friends I was with this weekend, but really to most of the people in my life. I don't ever foresee things being as they are now. My best friend, someone I have been friends with for the last 14 years, will more than likely have another kid this year and then at some point she and her husband, who I have also known for 14 years, will move back to Cali. One of my other best friends is moving to North Carolina in June. My mom is turning 60 this November and I am faced with the reality that my parents are in fact aging. It's probable that my sister and brother-in-law will have a baby while I am away. It's just bizarre how quickly life changes...and how it goes on whether or not you're around to witness it. And vice versa. So much will happen to me in the coming year and those who know me best won't be there to witness it. They will hear second-hand about what's going on, but that's not the same as being there. 

I know that God has placed these people in my life for a reason and perhaps it was only for a season. I don't know. I can't say for certain what tomorrow will bring. It's just a surreal place to be in when you take a step back and look at your life and realize that everything is about to change and never again will it be what it is now. And I know that that is a good thing. Change is inevitable and it's good. I know this. There's just a heaviness in my heart as I contemplate this. What plans does the Lord have for me in the coming years? What plans does He have for those I love? I don't know. I can only trust that His plans are best and that's all I really need to know now.

Home

Well, I left Phoenix today. I was supposed to head out yesterday, but just as I suspected I wasn't even close to being ready to go. From my vantage point, everything looked to be in order and ready to go. From my mom's vantage point, and one that's slightly better than mine, I was far from being ready. So, being the incredible mom that she is, she stayed with me last night and we pretty much got everything done (minus cleaning the bathrooms and the carpets). 

So, here I am now sitting in my parent's kitchen in Tucson after helping cook dinner and I have to say...it's good to be home. It's nice having my mom hover over me and asking me what she can get me or what I want to do. I suspect that this will be something like an extended vacation. I just hope it doesn't end in traditional Snyder vacation style...all of us mad at each other and not speaking! Hahahahahaha....