Tidal wave

I've been doing really well with the whole homesick thing and living away from home, but every once in a while it hits and I just feel really lonesome for my friends and family....for people who know me and know my story...for community. A friend from home emailed me today in response to something I'd sent her and it was just so sweet that I was just overwhelmed with a longing for home. I know that there are many days before me when these feelings will hit and I will deal with them as they come. I just emailed her back and told her that while I am thankful for these last 2 months here and where they're leading, I have some anxiety at the same time about Italy....not about whether or not I should be going because I know without a doubt that this is what God has for me...but rather about finding community there because regardless of what these past 2 months have been they have been really lonely. And anyone who knows me knows that I am by nature an extrovert...I find life in being around people....so not having had that these past 2 months after having been blessed so richly with that these last several years has been difficult. I know without any doubt that God has called me to where I am going. So, if that's the case then wouldn't that stand to reason that He has also prepared that place for me?

I hope that you have had the opportunity to know what it is to be a member of true community...a place where it's safe to be you and to be loved for that. It's an incredibly freeing and safe place to be. If you don't know what that's like...I pray that you seek it out. Relationship is, after all, what we were created for in the first place.

Wisconsin: more than just cheese

I got back late last night from a too-short vacation to Wisconsin. As always, I had such a good time. It was so great to see my two favorite people ever, my grandparents. I just love being with them! Even though it was such a short we packed a lot in. We got to Lake Geneva for an afternoon, dinner in Burlington with the Sullivans and Uncle Joe, brunch at the Holman's, dinner by the lake, a day in Chicago with Kim and the kiddos, drank whiskey sours, lunch at Kewpees with Lilly, and some shopping in Racine. There was also a lot of time to spend quality time with my grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. I love my family and have so much fun with them.

I am so thankful for the time I got to spend with my family before I leave for Italy. And it's not over! My mom's coming to Beaver Falls for a visit next weekend. Yippee!!

So, all in all I had a wonderful weekend in WI. It's my favorite place to be because it feels like home. And yes, for those who have asked me a hundred times, I did have cheese...

Airport

I am once again sitting the airport waiting to board another flight. This time I am headed to Wisconsin for one last visit to my grandparents' before I leave for Rome. I cannot wait to get to WI and be with two of my most favorite people in the whole world. It was really important for me to be able to get to Racine before I left because I love being with my grandparents and because in all reality every time I see them now may be for the last time. Certainly everyday could be the last day we see anyone , but considering my grandpa's health as of late it just seems to be more of a possibility with them. And when that day comes when I won't be able to see them it will be devastating for me, but I will be grateful for this weekend and the time we had together. My grandparents are by far the most amazing people....giving, caring, loving, and dear. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if I could put them in a jar and watch them...I would!

Once month from tomorrow I will find myself sitting in this airport yet again waiting for the flight of my life....the one to Rome. I am so eager for the 17th of August to get here that I can barely stand it. I am just ready to get there and get moving with my life. Oh the anticipation....

Research help

I've decided to go ahead and start to at least do some research on being single and what that means in the church especially. I need help. I am interested in knowing how your church handles singles. So, if you're interested in helping me out would you answer the following questions:

1) What church do you attend? Where is it located?

2) Does it have a singles ministry?

3) What is the purpose of the ministry?

4) Do you know people who participate in the ministry? What are their feelings towards it?

5) What do you see the purpose of singles ministries being?

6) If you're no longer single, how do you see yourself engaging in the spiritual development of your single friends? Or do you not see yourself as participating in their spiritual development?

Thanks!

Community

I'm reading a really good, thought-provoking book right now called Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity by Lauren F. Winner. With a title like that how can it not be good!? :)

What I am finding, however, is how much the author's arguments extend beyond sex and chastity. So much of what she has to say is about community. I found the following really interesting and it just made me sit back and think: "the Bible tells us to intrude---or rather, the Bible tells us that talking to one another about what is really going on in or lives is in fact not an intrusion at all, because what's going on in my life is already your concern; by dint of the baptism that made me your sister, my joys are your joys and my crises are your crises. We are called to speak lovingly, to be sure, and with edifying, rather than gossipy or hurtful, goals. But we are called nonetheless to transform seemingly private matters into communal matters. Of course, premarital sexual behavior is just one of many instances of this larger point. Christians need to speak courageously and transparently, for example, about the seemingly private matters of Christian marriage---there would be, I suspect, a lot fewer divorces in the church if married Christians exposed their domestic lives, their fights and tensions and squabbles, to loving wisdom, advice and sometimes rebuke from their community. Christians might claim less credit-card debt if small-group members shared their bank account statements with one another..."

For me, this rings true. Community is so very important and we were created for it. Community doesn't just mean celebrating with one another when there's a reason to celebrate, it also requires that we speak into the lives of those we are in community with and be transparent for one another. If you've ever been a part of a community that's like this you know what I'm talking about...there's something so freeing and affirming when you can be just who you are and be loved in spite of all the junk that's below the surface.

Tuesday

Today has been a weird day. It's been a day of sadness and one of anticipation. It has been a strange melding of both good and bad.

I attended the memorial service for my friend's son this morning. It was heartbreaking. The church was packed with people who loved him and loves his family. Stories were shared about his life and what became evident to me was that he was someone that I would have really liked to have known. On the way back to my office I told the coworker I went with that I wish I'd known him. I think he and I would have hit it off and could have been friends. He seemed loving, spontaneous, thoughtful, and brave. Despite what depression robbed him of, he seemed to have lived a full life, one surrounded by family and friends. My heart breaks at what is a colossal waste. This was a young man who served our country, loved his family, and followed after Christ.

I hate depression and what it steals from people, what it stole from me. It is straight from the pit of hell and could only be a scheme of our enemy. I cannot wait for the day when the Lord Jesus Christ banishes him and all of his evil doings into the fire for all eternity.

And then there's the good part of my day. I spoke with my same coworker about my idea to write a book on being single. She herself is 50 and never married. She was very enthusiastic about my idea and gave me some suggestions on research materials and other single people to talk to. I am so encouraged by our talk and have begun the process of writing and researching. I am eager to see where this all leads...

And so this has been my day, one that has been marred by grief at the passing of someone who fell prey to the depravity of depression and yet one that has brought the promise of a new venture. God's hand has been clearly visible to me today in both situations. It's truly a sacred moment when God meets you in the midst of tragedy and when He invites you into what He is doing.

Idea

A friend of mine just emailed me and asked me to recommend a Bible study for her to do with a girl that she's mentoring at church who is single and desires a husband. As I thought about it I couldn't come up with one decent study or one decent book, for that matter, on the subject. What's up with that? There are so many books and studies dedicated to marriage, but what about being single? Nope....nothing. So, that got me thinking. What if I wrote something about being single? Heck, if anyone knows anything about being single it's me. I'm practically an expert on the subject.

So, I'm going to think and pray about it. If you, my loyal 2 or 3 readers, think about it would you pray as well? Maybe this is where how my writing is supposed to be serve others....

Missed opportunity

How many times do we miss out on something because we give in to fear? We give in to that voice that tells us that we will be rejected, we can't do it, we.....whatever it may say it ends up scaring us out of risking, putting ourselves out there. And what? So we kept ourselves "safe" for a time, but we also kept ourselves from something that could have been to our benefit, could have been wonderful.

How do you put yourself out there despite the fear that you're going to fail/face rejection/etc? A former student told me recently that she's put her fear about embarrassing herself in front of others to the side because after all, she's never going to see "xxxx" again so what's the big deal? Such wise words from someone still so young. If only I could do that. And perhaps my impending adventure will force me to do that...to set aside my fear and just go for it because after all I'll never see "xxxx" again so why fear embarrassment/rejection/or whatever fear is holding me back?


I just missed out on something that may or may not have been anything...but I'll never know because I didn't just go for it. I'm kicking myself now and wish that I had been a bit bolder, braver. I'll never know what might have been. I suppose, though, that if I've really learned my lesson, if I've matured, I will take what I have learned (disappointment, frustration with myself) and not repeat the same mistake in the future. I just hope when this or a similar situation presents itself I will remember this moment of annoyance and won't experience a moment of amnesia instead....sigh.

Life interrupted

I was looking forward to today. My boss and his family were taking me into downtown Pit to go to the strip district, an area of town that has lots of farmer's and international markets. It was going to be a good day. And in some ways it was, but in another way it wasn't....not at all.

On the way into the city my boss shared some very sad news. The son of a colleague of ours killed himself on Wed. His family didn't find out until yesterday after his mom couldn't get a hold of him. He was manic depressive and suffered from PTSD. He'd been struggling a lot the last couple of months to the point where his mom had to leave suddenly 2 weeks ago to be with him. I cannot even imagine the pain she and her family are feeling right now.

My heart is breaking for her and his brothers. I do not know what to do, what to offer them. It's at times like this when words just won't do and really there's nothing that can be done to ease the pain. I suppose, and hope, that the old adage that time heals all wounds holds true though the pain will never fully be erased.

I know that many people out there cannot fathom what would cause a person to take their own life, especially when they have family that love them. Until one goes through the dark hell that is depression, one can never understand. One cannot understand that somehow the brain twists things around and you actually believe that by taking your own life you are not only doing yourself a favor, but putting your family out of its misery. You actually believe this, or at least that's what I believed when I thought of it. Of course that's not true and what is left behind is worse, but depression blinds the brain to the rational and only offers a lie instead. I am so thankful today that I didn't put my family through that.

I am praying for my friend and her family. I do not know how the Lord will come through in this, their darkest moment, but trust that because He is good and He is love that He will. If you think of it, please pray for this family. More than ever they need it and need Jesus.