Well...that ended badly

You know, I try to do the right thing by people. I try to be honest, up front, and real. And this isn't always easy, not because I want to lie, but because I don't want to hurt people's feelings. I tend to be a little more tactful/soft so as not to hurt someone and it's sometimes to my own detriment. So when I decided in June that I needed to just come out and tell "C" that I didn't think we should see each other anymore it was a really hard decision for me and I knew that it would be uncomfortable and awkward. I didn't want to do it and was happy when I was stood up.

Since I've been back, though, he has called me close to 9 times and I knew that I had to confront the situation. The next time he called I was saying "Arrivederci." Easier said than done....

He called today while I was eating lunch with Lynda. I had asked her earlier this week if she would be there when I talked to him for nothing more than moral support. (And her being the amazing friend that she is agreed.) So he called and asked to get together for coffee. I told him that I couldn't because of work and that I didn't  think we were compatible because of my relationship with Jesus. And yet, he persisted and kept asking me out. And asking me out. And asking me out. AHHHHHHHHHH!!! I was being clear. I didn't know how to be any more clearer. Finally, I think the bulb went on in his head and he got it because the line suddenly went dead. Two seconds later I received a text cursing me in Italian. So, that's how it's going to be? Gotcha.

I know that this wasn't the relationship that God wanted for me. I know that he wasn't who I was supposed to be with, but is a little maturity, a little common decency too much to ask for? I guess so.

Here's what I don't get. I didn't lead him on. I didn't do him wrong. I wasn't something that I'm not nor did I promise anything. We went out for coffee. Twice. Where's the disconnect? And it's not as if I think I'm the most amazing person to ever grace the face of this earth that the lack of me in one's life would cause such heartache, such pain, such an emptiness that they would lash out in this way. I just don't get it. Am I naive or missing something? I don't think so....clearly, though, he is and I am better off for not having him in my life any longer. Still....what a good story.

Thankful

I think that for the most part most people would agree that they take their loved ones for granted. It's not that this is intentional, but it is just something that happens. And usually it isn't until something happens to them, to us, that this changes.

I know that I have taken for granted that my mom would be my mom, that she would be the best friend that I have known and loved forever, but it wasn't until she became sick this year and disappeared for a bit that I realized how much I have taken for granted. I received an email from her today that was so much like my 'old' mom that tears gathered in my eyes. It's been nearly 5 months since I've caught a glimpse of her and it was just so great to have hope confirmed. I know that she is finding her way back to who she is, that the Lord is restoring her, and it's just such a blessing to bear witness to her return. I know that there will still be hard days ahead of us, but this is the first glimpse of my mom in so long that I can't help, but praise God and trust that when I go home for Christmas I will be greeted by my temporarily missing best friend.

Pursued

I have been back in Rome for a week now after being at home for a little over 2 months. Before I left I went out with a guy a couple of times, but there wasn't any sort of 'sparkage' nor did I feel that God was leading me to continue seeing him. After an uncomfortable conversation via text and then being stood up for a date that I was going to use to tell him I didn't think we should see each other any longer, I figured we were finito and that would be that. How wrong I was.

He texted me once and called me twice before I left for the States in June--this all after he stood me up. I didn't talk to him at those times because I either didn't have available minutes on my phone or I missed the call. Needless to say I was glad to be heading home thinking that by the time I returned to Rome whatever that was would for sure be done. Again, how wrong I was.

Here's the thing about Italian cell phones: if your phone is off it tells you who called it while it was off when you do turn it back on. He called me on the day I arrived back in Rome and then two days later while my phone was dead. Since then he has called me two more times; I have missed both calls.

My heart has longed to be pursued by a suitor for a really long time, but this is not how I imagined it going down. Or at least not with this particular person. We have nothing in common nor, and most importantly, does he love Jesus. That's a deal breaker for me. I admit, though, that on the one hand it is a nice big ego boost to have someone so obviously want to spend time with me, but then at the same time it's too much and kind of freaking me out a bit.

It's funny how often times we ask the Lord for something we want almost desperately only to receive some variation of that and realize that perhaps what it was that we wanted wasn't necessarily for our good at that moment, but God sort of says "Ok. You want this so badly...I'm going to let this happen and  then you'll have to deal with the consequences of not waiting on Me."

This is what happens when I move ahead of God....