I was chatting with a friend of mine on the phone the other night and she told me that she was looking at some pictures that I recently posted online, wondering what was different about the way I looked. I told her that nothing was different. Sure, my hair is longer than it normally is, but other than that I haven't changed anything about my appearance. "You look happy," she remarked. I look happy. That statement got me thinking.
I went through the pictures that I have taken over the last year looking for any marked difference between how I looked then versus how I look now. Of course there are subtle differences between my appearance...my hair is longer, I've lost weight, I'm another year older, etc. But, did I look happier? Hmmmm...yes, I think I do. I look lighter, more at peace. And this causes me to ask myself why? What's the difference? Everything. Everything is different this year.
I started this year knowing what I was getting into. I knew what to expect, what needed to happen and when it needed to happen. I knew how to set better boundaries, how to make my expectations clear, and generally how to live here. I don't feel this constant sense of crushing stress, anxiety, and feelings of impotence. I am excited about what I'm doing. I love my job again.
I know, though, that in oder to get to where I am today I had to go through all that I did last year. I had to go through the growing pains to be able to enjoy where I am at now. We don't go through anything in life for naught. There is a purpose behind each and every experience. The Lord uses those times to refine us, to cause us to become more like Jesus, and to strip more of this world from who we are. More often than not it is times of greatest struggle, challenge, and pain that the Lord uses for our benefit and His ultimate glory. I think this is because we step away from ourselves because we often realize that we are in essence powerless, we are not in control, we are not the focus of the universe...He is. We essentially get out of God's way and let Him be who He is and let ourselves be dependent on Him. Or at least this is what I've experienced in times of challenge and change.
I am happier. I am more joyful. I am filled with a sense of excitement and energy again. I thank the Lord for all that I worked through to get me to this point. Through everything I have seen His grace, mercy, love, and strength in ways I may not have been open to before. Everything is different this year and I can't help but wonder how different or what the differences will be one year from now...
