The last week has been challenging to say the least. A situation has arisen at work that has left me a little blindsided and reeling just a bit. I've been thrown for a moment and I'm trying to regain my balance. This situation arose seemingly out of nowhere following another situation that I thought had been resolved, or at least as resolved as it could be. Apparently, I was wrong.
And so I find myself talking to Jesus about what's going on. Are my eyes blinded to what is true? Did I fill in the blank? Was I fill in the blank? Am I not really seeing fill in the blank? I have seriously, thoughtfully, and prayerfully searched my heart, my memory, and the Lord in this. And I feel fairly confident in saying that I can stand before Jesus with a clear conscience on this one. I don't nor do I believe that I acted/did/was or whatever the case may be. What I do know is I attempted to set things right, I tried to find resolution and restoration, and acted in a way that was right and true. So, I'm trusting what the Lord is doing in my life right now. He's working out my pride because this has caused me to humble myself before Him and those around me. He's working out my need to not share my feelings with others because I can't hold this in. He's teaching me about humility and forgiveness for those who have hurt me. He's challenging my thinking about how I see my job and my interaction with those around me. He's drawing me closer to Himself. And above all, He's molding my heart to more closely resemble that of Christ's.
These are not pleasant or comfortable lessons. I wish that I didn't have to learn these things in this way, in this manner. But this is how it's going down. This is how He's getting my attention. And so this is how I will be refined. Refining is not for the faint of heart---it requires continual pressure. So no matter what may come. No matter what direction this situation will take, I will hold firm to my Savior and trust that in the middle of this refining He is with me, He is holding me, and His peace will reign when it seems that there should be none. I know that I will come out on the other side of this better for having gone through it and I look forward to the day when I can say: Oh, yes. Now I see why I went through that and how the Lord used that in my life.
But until that day comes, I will say this:
- When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.- It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
- It is well, with my soul,
- Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul. - My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul! - For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul. - But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul! - And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
