Perspective

I've had several "aha" moments this week when it finally has hit me that I am in Rome. I don't think that I'll ever get over the fact that I am living in Italy...and hope that I don't lose the wonder because if I ever get to the point where I say "Ugh. The colosseum again?" we're in trouble.

Technology has been great because I've been able to talk to people and stay in touch...but it's also made me a bit homesick. For the first time since I've arrived I miss home...I miss the people...I miss not being a part of things there because I get to see pictures or hear stories about the things that I am not involved in. Don't get me wrong...I'd rather have it this way than when I was here in high school and it was a treat just being able to talk to my parents once a week for 5 minutes, but still...

Everything's fine

Left the U.S. yesterday for Rome. The flight was good and I am almost all settled into my room. I am feeling good and excited about what's looming ahead of me.

I know that culture shock/homesickness lurk below the surface and will eventually spill out, but for now I am relishing in the excitement of the moment and enjoying being here. For now, everything's fine.

A year can change everything

It was one year ago today that I arrived on campus for my interview. It's been a hell of a year...

A year ago I was excited because my student leaders were returning to campus.

A year ago I was frustrated by the administration change that caused our department to move under someone who wanted WOW rather than relationship.

A year ago I was concerned about the change in my direct supervisor.

A year ago I was working with people that I trusted, admired, and looked forward to seeing everyday.

A year ago I had a roommate who wasn't exactly a roommate, but lived at my house nonetheless.

A year ago I was getting ready to begin a year that would end up being both incredibly hard and wonderful all at the same time.

A year ago I wasn't sure where God was taking me.

A year ago I was living in Arizona and while I desperately wanted/needed a change I wasn't sure that I had it in me to take that step.

A year later and here I am. Five days from now I leave for Rome. And I have to wonder what I will find when in a year from now I reflect back on what's transpired. What will have happened? Who will I have become? How will God have used me? Who will I meet? So many unanswered questions loom before me as I face something that a year ago was only a hope....now it's a reality. My how things can change in a year...

Hospitality

A friend of mine recently shared a great truth with me. She said that the mark of true hospitality is not only being able to be hospitable, but also being able to receive it. Hmmmm...

I consider myself a hospitable person. I love opening my home to friends and acquaintances, celebrating others, welcoming people, and genuinely showing care for those around me. As Monica once said on Friends: I am always the hostess. I once took one of those spiritual gifts inventories and lo and behold discovered that I have the "gift" of hospitality. So, all this to say that I've always considered myself as someone who does hospitality well....until Amber shared the above mentioned with me.

I have a hard time accepting help and offers of help from people. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't quite know what to do with it. I'd much rather be overwhelmed and overburdened with all that I have to do rather than asking for help or accepting what has been offered to me. I don't know why this is, but it is what it is all the same.

I remember the first ornament exchange I hosted. I went all out. I did all of the food myself and even made cut-out ornament-shaped cookies, frosted them, put my friends names on them and hung them from some branches in the centerpiece I'd made. It took me 3 years before I let people bring something to share to the party...and every year it was hard for me to be ok with that. This summer has been extremely challenging for me in this respect. I have had to allow others to take care of me and offer me what they could. My friends Taylor and Joanna have been unendingly generous and it embarrasses me to admit that while I greatly appreciate their overwhelming generosity it has been hard for me to accept it. Certainly I am grateful and have tried not to let them see that I struggle with this (or at least I hope I have been!!!!). It's not about that. I want to be able to receive what I am being given, but I have the sense that I am too much and a burden...which my brain then responds with: if you were, then they shouldn't have offered in the first place and that's their problem and not yours. UGH!

What is it within me that struggles against accepting that which others offer me and yet I can offer it to those around me naturally? Anyone else ever feel like this?

Visits from home

I got to show my mom the sights this past weekend and we ended up having a fabulous time.

When my mom first told me that she was going to be coming out for a visit I had no idea what we were going to do. I knew that it didn't have to be anything spectacular because really the whole point of the visit was to spend time together, but I didn't want to just not do anything. So, we ended up exploring Pittsburgh, watching movies with traditional Snyder junk food, going to a movie, talking, laughing and just enjoying being with one another. Without a doubt it was one of the best visits with my mom and I just loved being with her. She is an incredible woman who has impacted my life greatly. She is warm, caring, thoughtful, generous, gracious, encouraging, funny, and my best friend. She challenges me in my walk with Christ and who I am in Him. I love her! Of course, I cried after I dropped her off at the airport and my little apartment is quieter w/out her around...but not for too long because my friend Melissa is coming for a visit this weekend. Hooray!!

God has just richly blessed me by allowing me to spend my last couple of weeks with people I love and who love me back. I can't think of a better way to leave than this....of course it would have been perfect if my dad and sisters could have made a trip out here, but suppose I'll just have to settle for when they come to Rome at some point....not too shabby!!!

Tidal wave

I've been doing really well with the whole homesick thing and living away from home, but every once in a while it hits and I just feel really lonesome for my friends and family....for people who know me and know my story...for community. A friend from home emailed me today in response to something I'd sent her and it was just so sweet that I was just overwhelmed with a longing for home. I know that there are many days before me when these feelings will hit and I will deal with them as they come. I just emailed her back and told her that while I am thankful for these last 2 months here and where they're leading, I have some anxiety at the same time about Italy....not about whether or not I should be going because I know without a doubt that this is what God has for me...but rather about finding community there because regardless of what these past 2 months have been they have been really lonely. And anyone who knows me knows that I am by nature an extrovert...I find life in being around people....so not having had that these past 2 months after having been blessed so richly with that these last several years has been difficult. I know without any doubt that God has called me to where I am going. So, if that's the case then wouldn't that stand to reason that He has also prepared that place for me?

I hope that you have had the opportunity to know what it is to be a member of true community...a place where it's safe to be you and to be loved for that. It's an incredibly freeing and safe place to be. If you don't know what that's like...I pray that you seek it out. Relationship is, after all, what we were created for in the first place.

Wisconsin: more than just cheese

I got back late last night from a too-short vacation to Wisconsin. As always, I had such a good time. It was so great to see my two favorite people ever, my grandparents. I just love being with them! Even though it was such a short we packed a lot in. We got to Lake Geneva for an afternoon, dinner in Burlington with the Sullivans and Uncle Joe, brunch at the Holman's, dinner by the lake, a day in Chicago with Kim and the kiddos, drank whiskey sours, lunch at Kewpees with Lilly, and some shopping in Racine. There was also a lot of time to spend quality time with my grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. I love my family and have so much fun with them.

I am so thankful for the time I got to spend with my family before I leave for Italy. And it's not over! My mom's coming to Beaver Falls for a visit next weekend. Yippee!!

So, all in all I had a wonderful weekend in WI. It's my favorite place to be because it feels like home. And yes, for those who have asked me a hundred times, I did have cheese...