Currently, I am sitting in the Denver airport after a great long weekend with my sisters and bro-in-law. It's perhaps the last time I will see my sister, Megan, until Christmas. We said goodbye at the departure curb. I had fully intended and expected that this would be emotional. I wanted to cry as I said my goodbye to Megan, but instead I did what I always do and suppressed the tears. This could have been a huge step in my recovery. To feel and be ok with feeling. Instead, I bottled it up and began to feel it when I was alone.
This was the first in a long list of sad things that I am going to have to go through in the coming months and I don't want to be on autopilot any more. I want to be able to be in the moment and be present for whatever emotions are going to come. Isn't that part of humanity? Aren't emotions a gift from God? Didn't He wire us to partake in them? I just don't want to check out anymore. I want to feel sad, happy, angry...I want to be able to cry. I want to be able to walk into my emotions and not hide from them any more.
1 comment:
if Jesus Christ went through a range of different emotions, I think it's ok for you to do the same also : )... even though at times it may be hard to do. Keep trusting my friend who you are with who He says you are!
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