Dreams and reality

It's funny what happens when your dreams come true. Suddenly the place you find yourself in isn't quite what you thought it would be and you find yourself asking the questions "what was I thinking?" or "I thought that this is where I was supposed to be and if so, why is it so hard?"

I had the dream of living in Italy stored up in my heart for 16 years and here I am asking myself these questions. I was so certain that this is where God called me and yet it's been by far the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life and there doesn't seem to be any reprieve. Everyday brings new and more difficult challenges that I just take a step back and handle only to have something else come over. How much can one person truly handle? What was God thinking when He gave me my hearts desire? What was He thinking that I am capable of? How come I don't trust that I can do this or have any confidence in the fact that I know I am supposed to be here? When will it start feeling normal and like a real job and my life instead of an uphill battle?

Even still, I have to remember that which I have been blessed with. This is what gets me through, remembering what God has given me and all that He provides. I am thankful for the Bible study that I am a part of on Mondays and for the women that God is brining into my life through it. I am thankful for Lynda's presence here. I am thankful for students and getting to do life with them. I am thankful for the Sisters who offer me encouragement and who pray for me. I am thankful for my family and friends at home who lift me up in prayer daily. I am thankful that my friends and family have the means to visit me. I am thankful that I have a job right now. I am thankful that I have a place to live, food to eat, and basic necessities. I am thankful that God's grace is sufficient for me and His power is perfected in my weakness. I am trusting in that big time right now...that His power is perfected in my weakness because I am so weak right now.